Back on the tablets it seems

Our experiment at life without the anti-depressants appears to have failed.

My energy levels have dipped very low again, sleep is proving difficult and the apathy has returned. I wouldn't say that I am "depressed" as such - though the realisation that I continue to need medication is sad - but the worry is that the mental difficulties lie just around the corner.

I'm pretty gutted frankly, things seem to be going well in life but once again I have to face the fact that I'm not "normal". On the positive side, we've acted as soon as we could - today has been my first day off sick - and got down to the doctors to get it sorted out.

Clare seems pretty pragmatic about it, she hates the side-effects of the drugs, but it's much more preferable to a return of the listless, lifeless existence I seem set for otherwise.

I'm in pretty good spirits really, mainly because I know the tablets work and the panacea effect they have. I just don't want to risk what we've got when we're so close to achieving our goals.

The doc hasn't prescribed me the Aropax yet, they are looking into whether there are alternatives that are without the less desirable side-effects. Personally, having done so much research over the years and having tried the other SSRIs I'm quite happy just to pick up where I left off.

Damn if it isn't annoying though.